April 29, 2010

I Wasn't Even Considered

She hit the nail on the head.....
Hit it so square on the head that the tears just started to flow.
A quiet cry, uncontrollable stream of tears.
Weeks, more like months, of build up coming to a head and spilling over.
The self doubt, fears, and frustrations.
There they all were, in her words.
But secretly they were all mine too.

It all started when she didn't even consider me.
She's getting married and she didn't even inquire as to what I could do for her.
Given our relationship I thought an inquiry at least was in order.
Little did she know I had already worked out this amazing day, collection, price for her.
But she didn't call.
I know who she hired, and yes she's talented and yes she'll get great photos.
But it didn't change the hurt & rejection when I wasn't even asked.
It's very discouraging some days to see others suceed overnight and my success....
well, my success...has been at a snail's pace.

 It's this slow progression that makes me want to pull my hair out. Then the doubt sets in, and the questions. Am I not good enough? Will I ever see my dream come true? The doubt of my actual ability to take the pretty picture :)
So when I read that post last week, it hit me so hard that tears seemed the only appropriate reaction.

Today I feel better and I know my day will come, when I can say "I've arrived"
But for now I'll just document these lows and bumps I'm experiencing along the way.
One day I'll look back at this and say it was all worth it!

1 comment:

Myrna Hynes said...

I think "SHE" hit the nail on the head for many of us and how we feel about life sometimes. Are we really good enough?
I feel for ya honey, of course you're going to have doubts. Cry your tears - one day those will be tears of joy!