July 26, 2011

Just for Her Summer Series - Girlfriends

It was my first year after graduating college. Kristen & I were living in a city where I knew very few people and as much as I loved Kristen and spending time with him I was going crazy. I needed girl time!

I needed female opinions and conversation on the things and happenings in my life. Kristen is my best friend but he’s still a guy and I needed that balance in my life. So I rounded up a few acquaintances (“kind of” friends at the time but none I would consider “close”) and we joined an all women’s volleyball league. It was exactly what the Doctor ordered. I was able to laugh, giggle and talk girly stuff that Kristen would humour me and listen, but I’m sure some days were driving HIM crazy.

It was from that point that I always made it a priority to have girlfriends in my life. Some are only acquaintances, some were only there for a season, some were and are soul mates that no matter how near or far there’s a connection that she can and will always be someone I can depend on.

So with that here’s my list of what to  and what not to look for when looking for a GREAT girlfriend.... please feel free to agree/disagree :) I strongly encourage the conversation

A GREAT girlfriend will.....

Be a positive influence in your life.
Be there for you in bad times but doesn’t allow you to wallow in self pity.
Will tell you the truth even when it hurts.
Challenges & encourages you to be more, be better, be fabulous
Shares in your joys and achievements rather than feeling envious or jealous.
Can chat with you for hours about everything and nothing (even if you’re not a talker)

A GREAT girlfriend will not....

ALWAYS talk about herself (sometimes is okay...we all need that)
Be a victim in her own life so that when you leave her presence you feel emotionally & spiritually DRAINED (I can’t believe the life I’ve been given, I’m destined to always struggle....)
Be constantly critical of her appearance (you know who they are....I need to lose 10lbs, my thighs are too big, my skin isn’t perfect.....and on and on they go)
Critical & judgmental of others (if she’s making fun of others or thinks she’s better than others it’s because she’s insecure and needs to feel better about herself. You don’t need that in your life)

This list could go on and on but this is my short version that’s blog friendly :) I will quickly mention that there are women reading this RIGHT NOW who are saying I get along better with guys, women are cats, etc, etc....all I say to that is,...you haven’t found a great girlfriend or simply...it could be you. Maybe it’s time you evaluate the influence you have in a friendship...are you the negative, critical, always taking, draining one? Maybe, maybe not....I’m just putting it out there.

Now on to this week’s challenge:

*Really look at the girlfriends in your life and decide if a break up is in order. Yep I said it....sometimes we need to break up with girlfriends just like breaking up with a bad boyfriend.
* Recognize the VALUE in the friendships you already do have with the fabulous women in your life!
* Feel like you need to re-connect with an old friend, do it!
* Have a friend that you want to get to know better? Ask her out for coffee!

**Side-note** You don’t have to be joined at the hip for the friendship to be of value. Find a balance that works for you because regardless of the amount of time spent together, the positive side effects it will bring to your life are totally worth it!

 This photo was taken November of 2006 and still one of my favourite "girlfriend" photos

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are”   - Unknown


Tara said...

WOW...so well written! You definitely have a gift girl...keep growing it! Great post and I've always loved that photo!!!

Mary Marantz said...

Christa I LOVE this post!! I totally agree! I never really had good girlfriends until I lived for a year in England where I met 4 of the best friends you could ask for. And if I was going to break it down, it's because they had all of the good qualities you talk about and none of the bad! I miss those girls dearly!

Anonymous said...

Wow so true. A good friend is hard to find. Great blog.Take care. TT

Myrna Hynes said...

That photo is also one of my favs! I love you, girl, even though we are far apart, you are forever in my heart as one of my best girl friends ever ever ever!! xox